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I quickly looked at Pia. She didn't seemed bothered by someone that could be a rival and apparently she wasn't.The biggest surprise was when a man som...where around my age, named Conrad came to the barbecue as a guest of Merry. He was someone that worked with her on different manuscripts--editor or something. I watched him and Merry interact. I think he was in love with her. Was I jealous? Not really and that puzzled me.Merry and I went out once or twice a week. I usually kissed her when we came. She couldn't take it in so we had a pretty disappointing sex life. He hung his head thinking about it. "Now you've seen it and I hope you're satisfied."Satisfied? Not a chance, I wanted to try that cock! My poor father-in-law! He had a beautiful tool and he didn't even know it! His wife didn't know how to use it and they probably had that 50's mentality and never even talked about it. "It is bigger than I thought it would be" I smiled. It was long and thick and fat and just plain big. I pumped. Boys are funny like that! Anyway I had at least achieved my objective, I was no longer a virgin and having got rid of it I now felt I was better equipped to ‘explore the world of sex’. Looking back I can see just how stupid that sounds but it’s exactly what I thought at the time, I don’t remember just how I thought I was going to do that without getting the reputation of being a ‘slut’, which I certainly didn’t want, but it was what I wanted to do. As things turned out, not too long after that. Maybe I could just put her as inactive, on hiatus or something. She did say that ... no, no I couldn’t dwell on that, not now.Just those thoughts were enough to make my head hurt and for that yawning chasm in my chest to threaten my sanity again. Here though, my early experiences after Everett Reilly were a lifesaver. I had learned back then to push the pain aside, to compact it and lock it away. If it were hidden, trapped behind steel walls and a locked lid, then I wouldn’t have to deal with.
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