. I...”“Gavin? Are you a virgin?”He nodded.“You’ve travelled all over Europe and Africa, and you’re still a virgin?”Gavin shrugged. “I...suppose I just never met the right girl.”“Well, you have now.” She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. He offered no resistance when she pulled his head towards her for a kiss. Laura thought a tender moment was appropriate, but Gavin was a little too enthusiastic and offered a little too much tongue. She couldn’t help but think that he was. I just want to be. Be together. Be alive. Be wrapped in your arms. Be loved. Be beautiful. Be bashful and giddy and shy and cute. I am deprived of all of this when you are not here beside me where you belong. Every moment I feel like my heart could burst from sorrowful pain. But it won’t. Being apart doesn’t kill you like it should. It should just instantly kill you and stop the pain. But merciless departure only laughs and slowly kills you through smoking and depression and binges. Death comes. It’s just that I liked the way being with Sam and Bee made me feel.“So Mark’s got no hope?” Bethany asked me and I shook my head. “He’s been holding out hope you’d give him another chance. I thought he’d blown it when you and Simon were hugging.”“No, Simon is a great guy, but we both loved Sam. If we started anything, it would end up more about her than us.”“Mark’s gonna be heartbroken.”I shrugged. “In a way, I owe him. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to figure out if he hadn’t. I have killed for the first time in my life, and no matter the fact that it had been them or me; my conscience won’t let me rest. I watch again and again as one of the small muscled red creatures gets sucked out of their airlock and floats through space. When it had actually happened, it had been completely quiet, but my mind adds sounds now, as the creature screams its last. It sees me looking at it, and somehow swims through the nothingness of space towards me, its dead eyes locked on where I.
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